The 5 Whys is a well-known problem-solving tool.
By asking “5 Whys” to a problem, you can quickly get from problem to possible cause.
You can also apply this to your psychology to help you see the problem under the problem. This is what some therapists do – drill down through layers to come to a deeper point. But you can learn to do this yourself.
Why is this so difficult for us to do?
The connection between whys isn’t always so easy and logical to see so we need to push harder to get to the deeper level, to uncover other emotions and motivations that help us arrive at a deeper level of understanding and awareness. From here, we’re in a better place to make logical decisions and steps forward to solve a problem, achieve a goal, or perhaps find out what is really holding us back.
Here are some examples of the 5 Whys in practice:
I lied to my husband: WHY?
1. Because I was afraid he would get angry. WHY?
2. Because I was afraid that he would see me as undependable. WHY?
3. Because he might be right. WHY?
4. Because I don’t always stick to my word and he might be getting fed up with me. WHY?
5. Because he might get so fed up that he could leave, and I’m scared of that.
________________________________________________________________________
I’m angry because my partner is late: WHY?
1. Because he is always late. But WHY does this bother you?
2. Because he doesn’t call and isn’t being courteous. But WHY is this a problem?
3. Because he does this a lot. But WHY does that matter?
4. Because I feel discounted and not important. WHY?
5. Because I’m worried that he doesn’t really care about me.
Gain a deeper understanding of yourself
We can use the 5 Whys in almost every decision we come across, problem we face, or goal we make. For example, a common goal I hear is, “I want to lose 5kg”. My next question is… you guessed it… WHY?
Keep asking yourself WHY to these questions until you get to the real root of what your goal, need, or problem is. This will help you communicate your TRUE needs and emotions and help unpack what is really happening for you.
Connect with those around you
The other interesting part of this story, is the power it has to help you connect with others. Sometimes people in your life don’t even realise how deeply you connect to certain emotions, patterns, and behaviours. If you don’t know first, how could they possibly know?!? By discovering the WHYS and articulating them, you are in a stronger place of understanding with those around you. This is a great first step to aid in communication with others, whilst also learning more about yourself.
Give it a try!
